Speed-the-Plow Read online

  GOULD: I should be thanking you and I do thank you.

  FOX: Thank you, Bob.

  GOULD: This is your thing and you should get a bump.

  FOX: Thank you.

  GOULD: Because. Charlie: Don't thank me. You start me off here with a bang. I know that you could have Gone Across the Street. . .

  FOX: I wouldn't have done that.

  GOULD: But you could.

  FOX: I wouldn't. . .

  GOULD: But you could. And that's the point, Charl. That you absolutely could. And it was “loyalty” kept you with us . . .

  FOX: Hey, hey it's only common sense.

  GOULD: You stuck with the Home Store.

  FOX: Hey you've been good for me, to put it bluntly all the years . . .

  GOULD: . . . you stuck with the Old Firm, Charl, you stuck with your friends.

  FOX: It's where I work, Bob, it's what I do, and my relationship with you . . . we were all happy for you, Bob, you got bumped up, and I feel that I'm lucky . . .

  GOULD: I'm the lucky one, Charl. . .

  FOX: Hey, Bullshit, to have somebody I could come to . . .

  GOULD (simultaneously with “come"): Because you could have gone Across the Street. Who would have blamed you?

  FOX: Yeah, but I wouldn't of done it.

  GOULD: Who would of blamed you, Charl? You get a Free Option on a Douggie Brown film, guys would walk in here, hold a guy up . . .

  FOX: I work here, Bob. And my loyalty has always been to you. (Pause.)

  GOULD: Well, I'm one lucky son of a bitch . . .

  FOX: That you are.

  GOULD: And what I do is “owe you.”

  FOX: No, no, Bob. Bullshit. . . The times you've . . .

  GOULD: I'm just doing my job.

  FOX: No, I know, I know . . . and I know at times, that it was difficult for you . . .

  GOULD: No.

  FOX: I, and I hesitate to ask it, to ask for the credit. . .

  GOULD: . . . Don't have to ask it.

  FOX: ‘Cause I know, anybody was to come in here, exploit you . . . this thing . . .

  GOULD: . . . Forget. . .

  FOX: . . . your new “position,” all, I even hesitate . . .

  GOULD: Don't hesitate about a goddamn thing, forget it, Charl: You Brought Me Gold. You're gonna be co-producer. What the fuck are you talkin‘ about . . .?

  FOX: I just, I wanted to say . . .

  GOULD (simultaneously with “say"): I'm grateful to you, pal. For this n'for all that you've been, over the years. . .

  FOX: Now . .. you know . . .

  GOULD: Hey, hey, hey (GOULD checks his watch.) Let's go make some money. (He rises.)

  FOX: I, I need a cuppa coffee . ..

  GOULD: You get it in Ross's office. Here's how we play it: we get in . . .

  FOX: . . . yes . . .

  GOULD: We get in, get out and we give it to him in one sentence. Let me talk, no disrespect. . .

  FOX: No.

  GOULD: But it's courtesy . . .

  FOX: I understand.

  GOULD: One sentence. “Doug Brown, Buddy Film.” (Phone rings. Into phone:) Whoever it is, we'll be with Mr. Rrr . . . (Pause.) Yes? Put him on . . . Hello: Richard. . . . Yes . . .? Yes, well, how long will you bbb . . . (Pause.) I see . . . Absolutely. (Pause.) No problem whatsoever . . . you'll be back by then . . .? (Pause.) Absolutely so. Thank you. (He hangs up. Pause. To FOX: ) Ross just got called to New York. He's going on the Gulfstream, turn around and come right back. So we got pushed to tomorrow morning, ten o'clock.

  FOX (pause): Aha. (Pause.)

  GOULD: No help for it.

  FOX: I've got, Douggie only gave me until. . .

  GOULD: . . . I'm sorry . . .

  FOX: Doug Brown only gave me until ten tomorrow morn . . .

  GOULD: No, I know, we've only got ‘til ten to tie . . .

  FOX: We got to come up with a Pay or Play to tie him to this thing by ten o'clock to . . .

  GOULD: No problem. Ross'll be back for tomorrow morning, if he doesn't. . .

  FOX: . . . if he doesn't. . .

  GOULD: . . . yes . . .

  FOX: . . . then . . .

  GOULD: . . . Then we'll raise him on the phone . . .

  FOX: . . . I'm saying . . .

  GOULD: Wherever he is, we'll pull him out of it . . .

  FOX: Wherever he is.

  GOULD: Yup.

  FOX: Because I only got the option until ten o'clock tomorrow. Doug Brown told me . . .

  GOULD: Yeah. I'm saying. Ten o'clock tomorrow. Ross: he'll be here, one chance in a quillion he isn't, then we go Condition Red, we get him on the . . .

  FOX: . . . because . . .

  GOULD: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm with you.

  FOX: Be . . .

  GOULD: . . . You understand . . . I wanted to do . . .

  FOX: . . . I understand . . .

  GOULD: I wanted to do it in person . . .

  FOX: Yes.

  GOULD: . . . ‘Cause you're gonna be the Bringer of Good News . . .

  FOX: No, no, you're absolutely right.

  GOULD: Do it in person . . .

  FOX: . . . yes . . .

  GOULD: And forge that bond.

  FOX: It's just. . .

  GOULD: Don't worry.

  FOX: Not me. It's just, you move up to the big league . . . (Pause.)

  GOULD: Charlie. Your ship has come in . . .

  FOX (Pause): . . . all I'm saying . . . Ross . . .

  GOULD: What's Ross going to say . . . “No"? It's done.

  FOX: Lord, I believe, aid thou my unbelief. . . the sucker walked in, said “I love the script.”

  GOULD: Oh yes, Charlie, for we're now the Fair-haired boys.

  FOX: I couldn't believe it, you talk, talk about, talk, what is the . . . “watersheds.”

  GOULD: That's right.

  FOX: And, that is one of them.

  GOULD: And why shouldn't it be—you understand . . .?

  FOX: I don't know.

  GOULD: ‘Cause you . . .

  FOX: . . . I, I don't know . . .

  GOULD: . . . You worked for it. . . you know, you know . . .

  FOX: “I'm going to be rich and I can't believe it.”

  GOULD: Rich, are you kidding me? We're going to have to hire someone just to figure out the things we want to buy . . .

  FOX: I mean, I mean, you think about a concept, all your life . . .

  GOULD: . . . I'm with you . . .

  FOX: “Wealth.”

  GOULD: Yes. Wealth.

  FOX: Then it comes down to you . . .

  GOULD: Uh huh . . .

  FOX: All you can think of. . . “This is what that means . . .”

  GOULD: And that is what it means. (Pause.)

  FOX: How, how, figuring up the rentals, tie in, foreign, air, the . . .

  GOULD: Uh huh . . .

  FOX: Over the course . . .

  GOULD: . . . don't forget the sequels.

  FOX: Do we . . . we're tied in to that. . .?

  GOULD: Are we tied in to that, Charl? Welcome to the world.

  FOX: Hhhhh. How . .. (Pause.)

  GOULD: The question, your crass question: how much money could we stand to make . . . ?

  FOX: Yes.

  GOULD: I think the operative concept here is “lots and lots . . .”

  FOX: Oh, maan . . .

  GOULD: Great big jolly shitloads of it.

  FOX: Oh, maan . . .

  GOULD: But money . . .

  FOX: Yeah.

  GOULD: Money, Charl. . .

  FOX: Yeah . . .

  GOULD: Money is not the important thing.

  FOX: No.

  GOULD: Money is not Gold.

  FOX: No.

  GOULD: What can you do with Money?

  FOX: Nothing.

  GOULD: Nary a goddamn thing.

  FOX: . . . I'm gonna be rich.

  GOULD: “Buy” things with it.

  FOX: Where would I keep them?

  GOULD: What would y
ou do with them?

  FOX: Yeah.

  GOULD: Take them out and dust them, time to time.

  FOX: Oh yeah.

  GOULD: I piss on money.

  FOX: I know that you do. I'll help you.

  GOULD: Fuck money.

  FOX: Fuck it. Fuck “things” too . . .

  GOULD: Uh huh. But don't fuck “people.”

  FOX: No.

  GOULD: ‘Cause, people, Charlie . . .

  FOX: People . . . yes.

  GOULD: Are what it's All About.

  FOX: I know.

  GOULD: And it's a People Business.

  FOX: That it is.

  GOULD: It's full of fucken’ people . . .

  FOX: And we're gonna kick some ass, Bob.

  GOULD: That we are.

  FOX: We're gonna kick the ass of a lot of them fucken’ people.

  GOULD: That's right.

  FOX: We get rolling, Bob. It's “up the ass with gun and camera.”

  GOULD: Yup.

  FOX: ‘Cause when you spend twenty years in the barrel . . .

  GOULD: . . . I know . . .

  FOX: No, you don't know, you've forgotten. Due respect.

  GOULD: . . . may be . . .

  FOX: But, but . . . oh maan . . . I'm gonna settle some fucken’ scores.

  GOULD: Better things to do . . .

  FOX: If there are, show them to me, man . . . A bunch of cocksuckers out there. Gimme’ a cigarette. Oh, Man, I can't come down.

  GOULD: No need to. Huh . . .?

  FOX: Ross, Ross, Ross isn't going to fuck me out of this . . .?

  GOULD: No. Absolutely not. You have my word.

  FOX: I don't need your word, Bob. I know you . . . Drives right to my house. I need a cup of coffee.

  GOULD (into phone): Could we get a cup . .. well, where did you try? Why not try the coffee mach . . . well, it's right down at the. . . down the, no, it's unmarked, just go . . . that's right. (Hangs up.)

  FOX: What, you got a new broad, go with the new job . . .

  GOULD: No. Cathy's just out sick.

  FOX: Cute broad, the new broad.

  GOULD: What? She's cute? The broad out there is cute? Baby, she's nothing. You wait ‘til we make this film.

  FOX: She's nothing?

  GOULD: Playing in this league? I'm saying, it's Boy's Choice: Skate in One Direction Only. (Pause.)

  FOX: Oh, man, what am I going to do today?

  GOULD: Go to a movie, get your hair done.

  FOX: I'm jumping like a leaf.

  GOULD: It's a done deal. We walk in tomorrow . . .

  FOX (picks up the book): What's this, what's the thing you're reading I come in?

  GOULD: This thing?

  FOX: Uh huh . . .

  GOULD: From the East. An Eastern Sissy Writer. (Passes the book to FOX.)

  FOX (reads): “The Bridge: or, Radiation and the Half-Life of Society. A Study of Decay.”

  GOULD: A Novel.

  FOX: Great.

  GOULD: A cover note from Richard Ross: “Give this a Courtesy Read.”

  FOX (reads): “The wind against the Plains, but not a wind of change . . . a wind like that one which he'd been foretold, the rubbish of the world—swirling, swirling . . . two thousand years . . .” Hey I wouldn't just give it a courtesy read, I'd make this sucker.

  GOULD: Good idea.

  FOX: Drop a dime on western civilization.

  GOULD: . . . ‘Bout time.

  FOX: Why don't you do that? Make it.

  GOULD: I think that I will.

  FOX: Yeah. Instead of our Doug, Doug Brown's Buddy film.

  GOULD: Yeah. I could do that. You know why? Because my job, my new job is one thing: the capacity to make decisions.

  FOX: I know that it is.

  GOULD: Decide, decide, decide . . .

  FOX: It's lonely at the top.

  GOULD: But it ain't crowded.

  (KAREN, the secretary, comes in with a tray of coffee.)

  KAREN: I'm sorry please, but how do you take your coffee . . . ?

  FOX: He takes his coffee like he makes his movies: nothing in it.

  GOULD: Very funny.

  FOX: ‘Cause he's an Old Whore.

  GOULD: . . . that's right. . .

  FOX: Bobby Gould . . .

  GOULD: . . . Huh . . .

  FOX: You're just an Old Whore.

  GOULD: Proud of it. Yes, yes.

  FOX: They kick you upstairs and you're still just some old whore.

  GOULD: You're an old whore, too.

  FOX: I never said I wasn't. Soon to be a rich old whore.

  GOULD: That's right.

  FOX: And I deserve it.

  GOULD: That you do, Babe, that you do.

  FOX: Because, Miss, lemme tell you something, I've been loyal to this guy, you know, you know . . . what's your name?

  KAREN: Karen . . .

  FOX: Karen, lemme tell you: since the mail room . . . you know? Step-by-step. Yes, in his shadow, yes, why not. Never forgot him, and he never forgot me.

  GOULD: That's absolutely right.

  FOX: You know why I never forgot him?

  KAREN: . . . I. . .

  FOX: . . . Because the shit of his I had to eat, how could I forget him?

  GOULD: . . . huh . . .

  FOX: Yes, but the Wheel Came Around. And here we are. Two Whores. (To GOULD:) You're gonna decorate your office. Make it a bordello. You'll feel more at home.

  GOULD: You, you sonofabitch . . .

  FOX: . . . and come to work in a soiled nightgown.

  GOULD: Hey, after the Doug Brown thing, I come to work in that same nightgown, I say “kiss the hem,” then every swinging dick in this man's studio will kiss that hem.

  FOX: They will.

  GOULD: They'll french that jolly jolly hem.

  FOX: Uh huh, uh huh . . . you, you, you fucken’ whore, on his deathbed, St. Peter'll come for him, his dying words, “Just let me turn One More Trick . . .”

  GOULD: I'm a whore and I'm proud of it. But I'm a secure whore. Yes, and you get ready, now: you get ready ‘cause they're going to plot, they're going to plot against you . . . (To KAREN:) Karen. My friend's stepping up in class . . . (To FOX:) They're going to plot against you, Charlie, like they plotted against me. They're going to go back in their Tribal Caves and say “Chuck Fox, that hack . . .”

  FOX: “That powerful hack . . .”

  GOULD: Let's go and steal his job . . .

  KAREN: Sir . . .?

  FOX: Black, two sugars, thank you.

  GOULD: To your face they'll go, “Three bags full.” And behind your back they'll say, “let's tear him down—let's tear Charlie Fox down . . .”

  FOX: Behind my back. Yes, but in Public . . .? They'll say: “I waxed Mr. Fox's car. He seemed pleased.”

  KAREN (serving coffee): Black, two sugars.

  FOX: “I blew his poodle. He gave me a smile.” (Of coffee:) Thank you.

  GOULD: This is Charlie Fox. This is . .. Karen . . .

  FOX: Yes. Good morning.

  KAREN: Good morning, sir.

  GOULD: Please put me down. Tomorrow. Richard Ross. His office. Ten A.M. Whatever you find in the book, call back and cancel it. And leave a note for Cathy, should she be back . . .

  KAREN: I'm told that she'll be back tomorrow

  GOULD: . . . draw her attention to our meeting with Ross.

  KAREN: Yessir.

  FOX: Karen, as Mr. Gould moves on up the ladder, will you go with him?

  KAREN: Sir?

  FOX: When . . .

  KAREN: I'm just a temporary . . .

  GOULD: That's right, she's just here for a . . .

  FOX: Well, would you like stay on, if . . .

  GOULD: Hey, what are you? The Master of the Revels?

  KAREN: I'm just, I'm on a temporary . . .

  FOX: Hey, everything's temporary ‘til it's “not” . ..

  KAREN: No, this is just a temporary job.

  GOULD: It's just a temporary job—so leave
the girl alone.

  FOX: Karen: yeah: Karen, this seem like a good place to work?

  KAREN: Sir?

  FOX: Call me Charlie. This seem like a good place to work?

  KAREN: Here?

  FOX: Mr. Gould's office.

  KAREN: I'm sure that it is.

  FOX: She's “sure that it is.” How wonderful to be so sure. How wonderful to have such certainty in this wonderful world. Hey, Bobby. . . ? Your boss tells you “take initiative,” you best guess right—and you do, then you get no credit. Day-in, . . . smiling, smiling, just a cog.

  GOULD: Mr. Fox is talking about his own self.

  FOX: You bet I am. But my historical self, Bob, for I am a cog no more.

  GOULD: Karen, you come here at an auspicious time.

  FOX: Give this man a witness.

  GOULD: Because in this sinkhole of slime and depravity, something is about to work out.

  FOX: . . . singing a song, rolling along.

  GOULD: . . . and all that garbage that we put up with is going to pay off. (Pause.)

  KAREN: . . . why is it garbage . . .? (Pause.)

  GOULD: It's not all garbage, but most of it is.

  KAREN: Why?

  GOULD: Why. That's a good . . . (To FOX:) Why? (Pause.)

  FOX: Because.

  GOULD (to KAREN): Because.

  FOX: Life in the movie business is like the, is like the beginning of a new love affair: it's full of surprises, and you're constantly getting fucked.

  KAREN: But why should it all be garbage?

  FOX: Why? Why should nickels be bigger than dimes? That's the way it is.

  GOULD: It's a business, with its own unchanging rules. Isn't that right, Charlie?

  FOX: Yes, it is. The one thing is: nobody pays off on work.

  GOULD: That is the truth.

  FOX: Everybody says “Hey, I'm a maverick.”

  GOULD: That's it. . .

  FOX: But what do they do? Sit around like, hey, Pancho-the-dead-whale . . .

  GOULD: . . . huh . . .

  FOX: Waiting for the . . .

  GOULD: . . . mmm . . .

  FOX: Yeah . . .? The Endorsement of their Superiors . . .

  GOULD: Uh huh. Listen to the guy. He's telling you.

  FOX: You wanna do something out here, it better be one of The Five Major Food Groups.

  GOULD: Uh huh.

  FOX: Or your superiors go napsy—bye. The upside of which, though, a guy . . .

  GOULD: . . . that's right. . .

  FOX: The upside . . .

  GOULD: Hmm.

  FOX: The upside, though . . .

  GOULD: . . . Hmm.

  FOX: The one time you do get support. ..

  GOULD: . . . hey . . .

  FOX: If you do have a relationship . . .