The Old Neighborhood Read online

  Acclaim for DAVID MAMET’s

  THE OLD NEIGHBORHOOD

  “Devastating … often hilarious … the three short plays … generate a unique synergism.”

  —Chicago Tribune

  “The image of ‘The Old Neighborhood’ is a metaphor for a past that seems to be the repository of dreams. But Mamet is too shrewd an observer and too suspicious of sentiment to suggest any comfort waits back home.”

  —Christian Science Monitor

  “Funny, moving … thoughtful, provocative.… [Mamet] has found his unique voice.”

  —New York Post

  “Vintage Mamet.”

  —Village Voice

  “Excellent … strikingly nuanced.… The play ends on a dreamlike note as creepy as anything in the playwright’s larger works.… Mamet speaks volumes.”

  —Boston Globe

  DAVID MAMET

  THE OLD NEIGHBORHOOD

  David Mamet was born in Chicago in 1947. He studied at Goddard College in Vermont and at the Neighborhood Playhouse School of Theater in New York. He has taught at Goddard College, the Yale School of Drama, and New York University, and lectures at the Atlantic Theater Company, of which he is a founding member. He is the author of the acclaimed plays The Cryptogram, Oleanna, Speed-the-Plow, Glengarry Glen Ross, American Buffalo, and Sexual Perversity in Chicago. He has also written screenplays for such films as Homicide, House of Games, and the Oscar-nominated The Verdict. His plays have won the Pulitzer Prize and the Obie Award.

  ALSO BY DAVID MAMET

  PLAYS

  The Cryptogram

  Oleanna

  Speed-the-Plow

  Bobby Gould in Hell

  The Woods

  The Shawl and Prairie du Chien

  Reunion and Dark Pony and The Sanctity of Marriage

  The Poet and the Rent

  Lakeboat

  Goldberg Street

  Glengarry Glen Ross

  The Frog Prince

  The Water Engine and Mr. Happiness

  Edmond

  American Buffalo

  A Life in the Theatre

  Sexual Perversity in Chicago and The Duck Variations

  FICTION

  The Village

  The Old Religion

  NONFICTION

  True and False

  The Cabin

  On Directing Film

  Some Freaks

  Make Believe Town

  Writing in Restaurants

  Three Uses of the Knife

  SCREENPLAYS

  Oleanna

  Glengarry Glen Ross

  We’re No Angels

  Things Change (with Shel Silverstein)

  Hoffa

  The Untouchables

  The Postman Always Rings Twice

  The Verdict

  House of Games

  Homicide

  Wag the Dog

  The Edge

  The Spanish Prisoner

  A VINTAGE ORIGINAL

  Deeny Copyright © 1998 by David Mamet

  All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. Published in the United States in paperback by Vintage Books, a division of Random House, Inc., and simultaneously in Canada by Random House of Canada Limited, Toronto.

  Two of the plays in this collection were previously published:

  The Disappearance of the Jews was first published by Samuel

  French, Inc. Copyright © 1982, 1987 by David Mamet

  Jolly was first published by Applause Theatre Books in Best Short Plays. Copyright © 1989 by David Mamet

  CAUTION: These plays are protected in whole, in part, or in any form, under the Copyright Laws of the United States of America, the British Empire, including the Dominion of Canada, and all other countries of the Copyright Union, and are subject to royalty. All rights, including professional, amateur, motion picture, recitation, radio, television, and public reading, are strictly reserved. All inquiries concerning performance rights should be addressed to the author’s agent: Howard Rosenstone, 3 East 48 Street, New York, NY 10017.

  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

  Mamet, David.

  The old neighborhood : three plays / by David Mamet.

  p. cm.

  “A Vintage original”—T.p. verso.

  Contents: The disappearance of the Jews—Jolly—Deeny.

  eISBN: 978-0-307-81762-4

  I. Title.

  PS3563.A4345037 1998

  812’.54—dc21 97-32224

  www.randomhouse.com

  v3.1

  Cover

  About the Author

  Other Books by This Author

  Title Page

  Copyright

  THE DISAPPEARANCE OF THE JEWS

  JOLLY

  DEENY

  The Old Neighborhood was first produced on April 11, 1997, at the Hasty Pudding Theatre, in Cambridge, Massachusetts, by the American Repertory Theatre, as part of their New Stages Series, with the following cast:

  Bobby: Tony Shalhoub

  Jolly: Brooke Adams

  Joey: Vincent Guastaferro

  Deeny: Rebecca Pidgeon

  Carl: Jack Willis

  Directed by Scott Zigler; sets by Kevin Rigdon; costumes by Harriet Voyt; lighting by John Ambrosone

  The Old Neighborhood was produced on November 19, 1997, at the Booth Theatre, in New York, by Carole Shorenstein Hays and Stuart Thompson, with the following cast:

  Bobby: Peter Riegert

  Jolly: Patti LuPone

  Joey: Vincent Guastaferro

  Deeny: Rebecca Pidgeon

  Carl: Jack Willis

  Directed by Scott Zigler; sets by Kevin Rigdon; costumes by Harriet Voyt; lighting by John Ambrosone

  THE DISAPPEARANCE OF THE JEWS

  CHARACTERS

  BOBBY a man in his thirties or forties

  JOEY his friend

  SCENE

  A hotel room

  JOEY: What I remember … what I remember was that time we were at Ka-Ga-Wak we took Howie Greenberg outside.

  BOBBY: Was that Howie Greenberg?

  JOEY: Yeah …

  BOBBY: No …

  JOEY: No? Who was it, then?

  BOBBY: It …

  JOEY: It was Howie Greenberg.

  BOBBY: Red hair …

  JOEY: Yeah. Red hair. Braces.

  BOBBY: That was Howie Greenberg?

  JOEY: Yeah.

  BOBBY: From Temple Zion?

  JOEY: No. He never went to Zion?

  BOBBY: No?

  JOEY: No. Hey, Bob, no, you never went to Zion.

  BOBBY: What’s that mean, I don’t know who went there …?

  JOEY: No. It doesn’t mean that. But you know the time I’m talking of?

  BOBBY: We tied him to the bed. We put him in the snow.

  JOEY: Yeah.

  BOBBY: I got to tell you something, Joey, it was not Howie Greenberg. Howie never went to Winter Camp. (Pause) Am I right? (Pause) Am I right? Jeff went to Winter Camp. Tell me I’m wrong. (Pause) You fuckin’ asshole …

  JOEY: You, you, what the fuck would you know, never even get a Christmas card from you: “What happened to who.” It was Jeff …?

  BOBBY: Yeah. (Pause)

  JOEY: Isn’t that funny … I’m not sure you’re right … (Pause) Huh …

  BOBBY: Whatever happened to Howie?

  JOEY: Howie.

  BOBBY: Yeah.

  JOEY: Are you ready for this …? Howie turned out to be a fag.

  BOBBY: You’re kidding.

  JOEY: No.

  BOBBY: You’re kidding.

  JOEY: No.

  BOBBY: He’s a fag.

  JOEY: That he is.

  BOBBY: How about
that.

  JOEY: Isn’t that something.

  BOBBY: Yeah. (Pause) His parents?

  JOEY: Moved to Florida. (Pause)

  BOBBY: I always liked him.

  JOEY: I did, too. (Pause)

  BOBBY: Huh. (Pause)

  JOEY: Yeah. (Pause)

  BOBBY: What ever happened to Jeff?

  JOEY: He’s still here …

  (Pause)

  JOEY: I was thinking I was up on Devon.… You ’member when we used to take the Ravenswood …?

  BOBBY: When? See the Cubs …?

  JOEY: Yeah.

  BOBBY: Oh yeah … Is that joint still there?

  JOEY: What? Frankels …?

  BOBBY: On Devon …?

  JOEY: The roast beef …?

  BOBBY: Yeah.

  JOEY: Yeah. It’s still there. It isn’t on Devon.

  BOBBY: No?

  JOEY: It’s on Petersen. It’s in Rogers Park. (Pause)

  BOBBY: You ’member those two broads we had?

  JOEY: The Rogers Park broads?

  BOBBY: The folk dancing broads …

  JOEY: … yeah …

  BOBBY: The two Debbies …

  JOEY: Debbie. Yeah. Right.

  BOBBY: Rubovitz and Rosen.

  JOEY: Debbie Rubovitz and Rosen.

  BOBBY: For five bucks, which one was mine?

  JOEY: I don’t know.

  BOBBY: For ten bucks?

  JOEY: Rosen.

  BOBBY: You’re full of shit.

  JOEY: Rosen. You owe me ten bucks.

  BOBBY: It wasn’t Rosen.

  JOEY: You don’t know, you fuck, you’re bullshitting me. You don’t remember.

  BOBBY: I remember. Mine was Rosen.

  JOEY: That’s what I said.

  BOBBY: No.

  JOEY: You said, “Which one was Rosen.” I said yours.

  BOBBY: She was? (Pause)

  JOEY: I don’t remember …

  BOBBY: Which was the short one …?

  JOEY: Yours. Right? With the curly hair …?

  BOBBY: And which one was her name?

  JOEY: I don’t know. (Pause)

  BOBBY: Whatever you think happened to those broads?

  JOEY: I don’t know.

  BOBBY: You ever think about them?

  JOEY: Very seldom. When I go through Rogers Park. (Pause)

  BOBBY: You think they were dykes?

  JOEY: I don’t know. D’you think that?

  BOBBY: I kind of did.

  JOEY: I kind of did, too.

  BOBBY: At the time?

  JOEY: No. Are you kidding me …? Who knew? I tell you what I think: They were before their time.

  BOBBY: Oh yeah … they were …

  JOEY: They were before their time.…

  BOBBY: Fucking broads.

  JOEY: I tell you how I always knew the broad was yours, the broad she couldn’t find her way outta the bathroom, that was yours …

  BOBBY: And what were you, a head man …?

  JOEY: Except for Deeny, of course.

  BOBBY: … what …?

  JOEY: Except for Deeny. Yes, I was a head man, yeah …

  BOBBY: You wanted to discuss, what …?

  JOEY: … and the broad, she couldn’t find the light switch, that was yours …

  BOBBY: … okay …

  JOEY: “Why’s this black stuff coming out of the salt shaker?”

  BOBBY: … some intellectual giants …

  JOEY: … that’s right …

  BOBBY: “Tell us about Moby Dick” …

  JOEY: You wished …

  BOBBY: And so which broad was mine?

  JOEY: Rosen … I don’t know … Rubovitz … Some Jew broad … some folk dancer. I don’t know … some JAP … some Eskimo … (Pause) How’s Laurie?

  BOBBY: Fine.

  JOEY: Yeah, but how is she, though …?

  BOBBY: She’s fine. What did I say?

  JOEY: You said that she was fine. (Pause)

  BOBBY: All right. (Pause)

  JOEY: So? (Pause)

  BOBBY: So what?

  JOEY: Yeah. So what, so how is she, you give me this shit all the time … you never fuckin’ changed you know that, Bob: “Fuck you, I don’t need anyone, fuck you” …

  BOBBY: And what are you, huh? You been reading Redbook …? What is this all of a sudden … (Pause) You want to know how she is? She’s fine.

  JOEY: Well, that’s all I asked. I ast you how she is, you barked at me. Fuck you.

  BOBBY: Hey, you know, Joey, you know, people get married …

  JOEY: Yeah. I know they do.

  BOBBY: They … (Pause)

  JOEY: What? (Pause) What? (Pause) What? Mr. Wisdom … speak to me.

  BOBBY: I should never have married a shiksa.

  JOEY: Yeah. I know. ’Cause that’s all that you used to say, “Let’s find some Jew broads and discuss the Talmud …”

  BOBBY: This is something different.

  JOEY: Is it?

  BOBBY: Yes. I’m talking about marriage, you asked a question, I’m answering you. You don’t want to fuckin’ talk about it, we’ll talk about something that you like. (Pause)

  JOEY: Tell me.

  BOBBY: You know what she said?

  JOEY: Who, Laurie?

  BOBBY: Yeah.

  JOEY: No, what.

  BOBBY: Listen to this: “What are we going to tell the kids.”

  JOEY: She said that?

  BOBBY: Yes.

  JOEY: When?

  BOBBY: Right before I left …

  JOEY: “What are you going to tell the kids …?”

  BOBBY: Yeah. (Pause)

  JOEY: What are you going to tell the kids?

  BOBBY: What is there to tell? The kid is a Jew.

  JOEY: (Pause) Well, Bob, the law says he’s a Jew, his, you know what the law says, he’s a Jew his mother is a Jew.

  BOBBY: Fuck the law.

  JOEY: Well, all I’m saying, that’s what the law says …

  BOBBY: Joey, Joey, what are you saying, a kid of mine isn’t going to be a Jew? What is he going to be? Look at him …

  JOEY: I’m, I’m only talking about …

  BOBBY: I know what you’re talking about. What I’m saying, common sense? They start knocking heads in the schoolyard looking for Jews, you fuckin’ think they aren’t going to take my kid because of, uh …

  JOEY: No. No.

  BOBBY: Well …?

  JOEY: What I’m saying …

  BOBBY: … are they going to take him, or they’re going to pass him up ’cause he’s so …

  JOEY: I’m talking about the law.

  BOBBY: ’Cause he’s so blond and all, “Let’s go beat up some kikes.… Oh, not that kid.…”

  JOEY: Hey, Bobby, don’t make me out the bad guy here, I only brought it up.

  BOBBY: Well, listen to this, Joe, because I want to tell you what she says to me one night: “If you’ve been persecuted so long, eh, you must have brought it on yourself.” (Pause)

  JOEY: She said that?

  BOBBY: Yes. (Pause)

  JOEY: Wait a second. If we’ve been oppressed so long we must be doing it.

  BOBBY: (Pause) Yes.

  JOEY: She said that.

  BOBBY: Yes. (Pause)

  JOEY: And what did you say to her?

  BOBBY: I don’t know …

  JOEY: What do you mean you don’t know? What did you say to her?

  BOBBY: Nothing. (Pause)

  JOEY: She actually said that? (Pause)

  BOBBY: And (Pause) And I mean it got me thinking …

  JOEY: Ho, ho, ho, ho, hold on a minute, here, ho, Bobby. Lemme tell you something. Let me tell you what she feels: She feels left out, Jim. Don’t let that white shit get into your head. She feels left out. They got, what have they got, you talk about community, six droll cocksuckers at a lawn party somewhere: “How is your boat …?” Fuck that shit, fuck that shit, she’s got a point in my ass, what the fuck did they ever do? They can’t make a joke for chrissake.
I’ll tell you something, you’re sitting down, the reason that the goyim hate us the whole time, in addition they were envious is; we don’t descend to their level … (Pause) because we wouldn’t fight. The reason we were persecuted because we said, hey, all right, leave me alone, those Nordic types, all right, these football players, these cocksuckers in a fuckin’, wrapped in hides come down and ’cause we don’t fight back they go “Who are those people …?” (Pause) “Hey, let’s hit them in the head.” Because we have our mind on higher things. (Pause) Because we got something better to do than all day to fuckin’ beat the women up and go kill things. My dad would puke to hear you talk that way. I swear to God. Alavasholem, he would weep with blood, your father, too, to hear you go that way. What are they doing to you out there? (Pause) You’re too shut off, Bob. You should come back here. (Pause) My dad. (Pause) You know, when we were growing up, he always used to say: It will happen again. We used to say, huh …?

  BOBBY: I remember.

  JOEY: I used to say, “Papa, you’re here now. It’s over.” He would say, “It will happen in your lifetime.” And I used to think he was a fool. But I know he was right. (Pause) I’m sorry that now he isn’t here to tell him so. (Pause) Because I wish he was here. (Pause)

  BOBBY: ’V’you been out to Waldheim?

  JOEY: Judy and I went last month. We try to go once a month.

  BOBBY: Would you like to go out?

  JOEY: We could go. Yes.

  BOBBY: Just the two of us.

  JOEY: I know what you’re saying.

  BOBBY: When can we go?

  JOEY: How long will you be in town?

  BOBBY: Till the weekend.

  JOEY: You want to go tomorrow?

  BOBBY: Yes.

  JOEY: All right. (Pause) We’ll go in the morning. (Pause)

  BOBBY: I’ll pick you up.

  JOEY: All right.

  BOBBY: We’re really going to go.

  JOEY: All right.

  (Pause)

  JOEY: I’ll tell you something else: I would have been a great man in Europe—I was meant to be hauling stones, or setting fence posts, something.… Look at me: the way I’m built, and here I’m working in a fucking restaurant my whole life. No wonder I’m fat. I swear to God. You know how strong I am? We went to Judy’s folks, they had a tree had fallen in the road. Up in Wisconsin …?