November Read online

  ACCLAIM FOR DAVID MAMET’S

  November

  “Hilarious.… the poetry of Mamet’s pugnacity—with all its half notes of contempt, rage, and terror—really swings.… [President] Smith … brings oxygen to Mamet’s rhetorical brilliance.… Mamet has dealt an ace.”

  —The New Yorker

  “Breezy … punch-line-packed.”

  —USA Today

  “A raucous comedy.”

  —The Times (London)

  ALSO BY DAVID MAMET

  PLAYS

  Romance

  The Voysey Inheritance

  (adaptation)

  Faustus

  Boston Marriage

  The Old Neighborhood

  The Cryptogram

  Oleanna

  Speed-the-Plow

  Bobby Gould in Hell

  The Woods

  The Shawl and Prairie du Chien

  Reunion and Dark Pony and

  The Sanctity of Marriage

  The Poet and the Rent

  Lakeboat

  Glengarry Glen Ross

  The Frog Prince

  The Water Engine and Mr. Happiness

  Edmond

  American Buffalo

  A Life in the Theater

  Sexual Perversity in Chicago and

  The Duck Variations

  FICTION

  The Village

  The Old Religion

  Wilson

  NONFICTION

  Jafsie and John Henry

  True and False

  The Cabin

  On Directing Film

  Some Freaks

  Make-Believe Town

  Writing in Restaurants

  Three Uses of the Knife

  South of the Northeast Kingdom

  Five Cities of Refuge (with Rabbi

  Lawrence Kushner)

  Bambi vs. Godzilla

  The Wicked Son

  SCREENPLAYS

  Oleanna

  Glengarry Glen Ross

  We’re No Angels

  Things Change (with Shel Silverstein)

  Hoffa

  The Untouchables

  The Postman Always Rings Twice

  The Verdict

  House of Games

  Homicide

  Wag the Dog

  The Edge

  The Spanish Prisoner

  The Winslow Boy

  State and Main

  Heist

  Spartan

  Redbelt

  DAVID MAMET

  November

  David Mamet is a dramatist, director, novelist, poet, and essayist. He has written the screenplays for more than twenty films, including Heist, Spartan, House of Games, The Spanish Prisoner, The Winslow Boy, Wag the Dog, and The Verdict. His more than twenty plays include Oleanna, The Cryptogram, Speed-the-Plow, American Buffalo, Sexual Perversity in Chicago, and the Pulitzer Prize–winning Glengarry Glen Ross. Born in Chicago in 1947, Mamet has taught at the Yale School of Drama, New York University, and Goddard College, and he lectures at the Atlantic Theater Company, of which he is a founding member.

  A VINTAGE ORIGINAL, JUNE 2008

  Copyright © 2008 by David Mamet

  All rights reserved. Published in the United States by Vintage Books, a division of Random House, Inc., New York, and in Canada by Random House of Canada Limited, Toronto.

  Vintage and colophon are registered trademarks of Random House, Inc.

  CAUTION: This play is protected in whole, in part, or in any form under the Copyright Laws of the United States of America, the British Empire, including the Dominion of Canada, and all other countries of the Copyright Union, and are subject to royalty. All rights, including professional, amateur, motion picture, recitation, radio, television, and public reading, are strictly reserved. All inquiries concerning performance rights should be addressed to the author’s agent: Ron Gwiazda, Abrams Artists Agency, 275 Seventh Avenue, 26th Floor,

  New York, NY 10001.

  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

  Mamet, David.

  November : a play / by David Mamet.

  New York : Vintage Books, 2008.

  p. cm.

  “A Vintage original”—T.p. verso.

  1. Presidents—United States—Drama.

  PS3563.A4345 N68 2008

  812′.54—dc22

  2008004925

  eISBN: 978-0-307-79374-4

  www.vintagebooks.com

  v3.1

  This play is dedicated to Jeffrey Richards

  Contents

  Cover

  Other Books by This Author

  About the Author

  Title Page

  Copyright

  Dedication

  Acknowledgements

  Act One

  Act Two

  Act Three

  I have not bowed to current academic nostrums about nomenclature or accepted the flyblown philacteries of Political Correctness. So I do not acknowledge the existence of hyphenated Americans, or Native Americans or any other qualified kind. They are all Americans to me: black, white, red, brown, yellow, thrown together by fate in that swirling maelstrom of history which has produced the most remarkable people the world has ever seen. I love them and salute them, and this is their story.

  —Paul M. Johnson, A History of the American People

  PRODUCTION NOTES

  November received its world premiere on January 17, 2008, at the Ethel Barrymore Theatre, New York.

  Charles Smith Nathan Lane

  Archer Brown Dylan Baker

  A Representative of the

  National Association of

  Turkey and Turkey

  By-Products Manufacturers Ethan Phillips

  Clarice Bernstein Laurie Metcalf

  Dwight Grackle Michael Nichols

  Director Joe Mantello

  Scenic Design Scott Pask

  Costume Design Laura Bauer

  Lighting Design Paul Gallo

  Production Stage Manager Jill Cordle

  THE SETTING

  AN OFFICE

  THE CHARACTERS

  CHARLES SMITH, a man in suit

  ARCHER BROWN, a man in suit

  A REPRESENTATIVE OF THE NATIONAL ASSOCIATION OF TURKEY AND TURKEY BY-PRODUCTS MANUFACTURERS,

  a man in suit

  CLARICE BERNSTEIN,

  a lesbian

  DWIGHT GRACKLE,

  a Native American

  ACT ONE

  Morning

  ACT TWO

  Evening

  ACT THREE

  Morning

  ACT ONE

  At rise, CHARLES SMITH and ARCHER BROWN in an office.

  CHARLES: (Reading a list) What is this? What is this? One spot in Cleveland One in Cincinnati … Why?

  ARCHER: You see the polls?

  CHARLES: What happened to never say die?

  ARCHER: I saw the polls.

  CHARLES: You saw the polls, how bad can my numbers be?

  ARCHER: You broke the machine.

  (ARCHER hands CHARLES a sheet of paper.)

  CHARLES: Can these numbers be right? These numbers can’t be right.

  ARCHER: They’re right.

  CHARLES: Why? Why? We won the first time, Archie. Four scant years. Why have they turned against me now?

  ARCHER: Because you’ve fucked up everything you’ve touched.

  CHARLES: We’re a forgiving people.

  ARCHER: Time to cash out, Chucky. Sell a couple pardons, call it a day.

  CHARLES: Nobody’s spending any money on me. That’s the problem, Archie. They dint cut me off, I’d be beating the other guy into Marshmallow Fluff. All I need, I need, some money…

  ARCHER: And an issue.

  CHARLES: How about “continuity.”
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br />   ARCHER: You’ve screwed the country into a cocked hat.

  CHARLES: Yes, but at least I’ve done something. What has the other fella done? Have you thought of that? That’s the basis of an ad! Get me the committee.

  ARCHER: They’ll let you keep what you got, put it in your pocket, but they ain’t buying any more air.

  CHARLES: (To phone) Get me the committee.

  ARCHER: You’re done, Chuck … (The phone rings. To phone) Hello.

  CHARLES: Gimme that. (Takes phone) Barry … Cathy. Hi. Hon? Hon, can I … Cathy, I can’t talk now … (To ARCHER) Can my wife take the couch? (To phone) Take, take the couch where, hon?… Why do you assume we’re going home … (To ARCHER) ’Cause she hasn’t seen any ads on TV. And can she take the couch?

  ARCHER: No, she can’t take the couch.

  CHARLES: No, you can’t take the couch, hon. (To ARCHER) She had it re-covered.

  ARCHER: It was re-covered with taxpayers’ money.

  CHARLES: It was re-covered with taxpayers’ money, Cath. (To ARCHER) Can she reimburse the taxpayers? And does she get a discount because the couch has been used … Cath? (To ARCHER) Get me out of here …

  ARCHER: (Loudly) Mr. President, Iran has launched a nuclear strike.

  CHARLES: What?

  ARCHER: Iran has launched a nuclear …

  CHARLES: Ca … Cath? Iran has launched a nuclear strike … (To ARCHER) Or could she uncover the couch and take the unupholstered couch …

  ARCHER: She can’t take the couch. (A second phone rings. ARCHER answers.) Hello. Barry, one moment.

  CHARLES: (To phone) Cath, I have to, Cath, I’ll have to call you back. I’m not being cheap, Cath … I’m … I’m, yes, I’m trying to save money, ’cause WE’RE GOING HOME BROKE, Cath, and we’re being bombed by Iran, so I have to hang up. (ARCHER hangs up.)

  ARCHER: Why is the couch so important to her?

  CHARLES: She wants it for the Library.

  ARCHER: The Library?

  CHARLES: My Presidential Library. (Pause) What are you telling me? (Pause) I gotta have a library. Archie? Don’t I have, like, a, uh, a Library, uh, an Exploratory, uh …

  ARCHER: No.

  (Pause)

  CHARLES: What is it about me people don’t like?

  ARCHER: That you’re still here.

  CHARLES: Wait—doesn’t everybody get a library?

  ARCHER: No.

  CHARLES: It’s not in the Constitution?

  ARCHER: No.

  CHARLES: Like a lovely parting gift?

  ARCHER: No.

  CHARLES: (Pause) Cathy’s gonna kill me.

  ARCHER: (Re second phone line) It’s the committee …

  CHARLES: (To phone) Hel … Hello, Barry … Where do you find me …? I’m at the White House, Barry. Where are you? “Nantucket.” How are things out there …?

  ARCHER: (Sotto voce) He’s screwed you on the election. He’s holding back funds. Tell him to disgorge the funds.

  CHARLES: (Pause) Barry, look, you’ve screwed me on the election, I need you to disgorge the funds you’re holding for my library. (To ARCHER) What do I mean, “he’s screwed me …? (To phone) What do I mean, Barry? I’m looking at the time buys …(Pause) Well, whose decision was that, Barry? “The committee?” Yeah, no, yes, that’s peachy, Barry. With the possible exception, YOU ARE THE COMMITTEE. Barry? You … (Pause) Well, who the fuck is the Committee, if not you? (ARCHER hands CHARLES a list.) Three spots in Cleveland, two in Minneap … FOR THE WEEK? FOR THE WHOLE FUCKEN WWWW … WHY DON’T I JUST GO OUT AND GET CLOWN SHOES, ’N’ PUT A RED RUBBER BALL ON MY NOSE, BE … be … because I want to: Fuck that, Barry, because I’m gonna tell you, no I’m gonna tell you why, and you can jolly well sit there. BECAUSE MY FUCKEN QUESTION TO YOU IS A SPEECH THAT YOU, and your fucken shooting party made to me out hunting quail in Bavaria, when someone turned to me and he said, “Chucky, have you read The Three Musk…” Well, it doesn’t sound like you’re … No, it doesn’t sound like you remember, Barry, when someone asked me: “All for one and one for all.” You remember that? And all your tame Krauts, and lifting the import tariffs, and “This is our man,” and all that happy horseshit … I DON’T WANT a … I DON’T … WHAT THE FUCK AM I GOING TO DO WITH A TIME-SHARE IN ASPEN? I want to be president … (Pause. To ARCHER) “The hat is empty, there are no more rabbits in it.” (To phone) Is this the man I knew? In the snow? In New Hampshire? BARRY, who ruined his fucken shoes going from door to door? Is this the same man? (Pause) Well, in what way is he different? (Pause) What does that mean? What does that mean? “A good one to lose”? You know who thinks that way? Losers. (Pause) Let’s move on. Tell me about the library. Well: Oh, okay. Good. “We have a fund.” How much money do we have in my library fund … (Pause) Million. (Pause) Thousand? (Pause) Four thousand dollars? (Pause) I CAN’T GO HOME WITHOUT A LIBRARY FOR CATHY … You know that … I should of thought of that when I invaded where? When I invaded where? Barr …? Barry, that was your idea … The fuck it was. The fuck it was. The fuck it was, Bar, YES I FUCKEN MIND IF YOU PUT ME ON HOLD… ! I am the President of the United States! (To ARCHER) Where is he? In Nantucket? (To phone) Where are you, on Nantucket? HOW ABOUT I GIVE AWAY half of the island to the Micmacs to build their hotel casino. Yes, I can. Yes, I … Yes, I can, Barry. Well, what are you going to do to me? (Pause) That record was expunged, (Pause) That record was expunged, and the statute of limitations … (Pause) Well, who’s to say what’s perjury? (Pause. To ARCHER) His friend the special prosecutor. (Pause. To phone) Yeah. All r … yeah. All r … All right … Barry. (Pause) And give my best to Ginny. (Pause; hangs up)

  ARCHER: “Life goes on”?

  CHARLES: (Pause) He was gonna put me on “hold.”

  ARCHER: Everybody goes home sometime, Chucky … (Pause.)

  CHARLES: Couldn’t we make it rain or something, just to keep the other guys from voting? The other guys stop voting the incumbent wins, isn’ that the rule? Can’t we oh, you know, just make it rain …?

  ARCHER: We don’t have that technology.

  CHARLES: In some secret, uh uh …

  ARCHER: No.

  CHARLES: “Facility,” or something.

  ARCHER: No.

  CHARLES: The panic level: raise the panic level!

  ARCHER: Nobody cares.

  CHARLES: They don’t care about the panic level?

  ARCHER: No.

  CHARLES: After all our work?

  ARCHER: Nobody cares. They hate you. Everybody hates you, and you’re out of cash. Go home.

  CHARLES: I would hate to think. That the people were deprived of a choice. Because one side … simply ran out of cash.

  ARCHER: That’s the American way.

  CHARLES: Well, that makes me throw up. (ARCHER hands him a piece of paper.) What is this?

  ARCHER: Today’s off-the-cuff remarks.

  CHARLES: Can’t they stick that thing in my ear?

  ARCHER: The last one got stuck in your ear.

  CHARLES: (To self) That’s right. (Re speech) “We must and can and shall move forward.” I’m supposed to say this about what?

  ARCHER: Whatever they ask you.

  CHARLES: How can Bernstein write this crap?

  ARCHER: She didn’t write it.

  CHARLES: Bernstein didn’t write it?

  ARCHER: No. She’s on vacation.

  CHARLES: Aha. (Pause) It almost: were I of a paranoid bent, would make me opine. That somebody was out to get me.

  ARCHER: I don’t follow.

  CHARLES: That, one, the committee has ceased spending money on me …

  ARCHER: Yeah …

  CHARLES: At the same time. As my speechwriter. Has chosen to take a vacation. Why?

  ARCHER: Your ten o’clock is in the anteroom, with fifty thou …

  (ARCHER hands him papers.)

  CHARLES: Get Bernstein to rewrite this crap. Where is she?

  ARCHER: She’s technically still on vacation.

  CHARLES: Get her to write it on vacation.

&
nbsp; ARCHER: She’s already working on vacation.

  CHARLES: What’s she working on?

  ARCHER: She’s working on your concession speech.

  CHARLES: OH FUCK THIS FUCKEN LIFE AND EVERYTHING IT STANDS FOR. Fucken Bernstein. Sinking ship …

  ARCHER: Chuck.

  CHARLES: I don’t get a vacation …

  ARCHER: She hasn’t had a vacation in four years.

  CHARLES: Well, she lives for her work. She hasn’t got a family.

  ARCHER: She lives with that girl.

  CHARLES: Well, they haven’t got children.

  ARCHER: She went to China to pick up a kid.

  (Pause)

  CHARLES: She went to China to pick up a kid.

  ARCHER: She went to adopt a baby …

  (Pause)

  CHARLES: She went to China to adopt a baby.

  ARCHER: What’s so extraord …

  CHARLES: Aren’t we at war with China?

  ARCHER: Not yet …

  CHARLES: Well, it sounds like treason to me.

  ARCHER: How?

  CHARLES: She, after four years. Goes to China, to quote quote complete her family. To raise a child. Which she could not DO, if, if I were to serve another term. (Pause) Oh, I begin to see it, I begin to see it: Why does she go now. Yes. Bernstein. Why “now”?

  ARCHER: Why now what?

  CHARLES: For it is not her “quote” biological “clock,” as she is buying the child, so whence this sudden rush of wings?

  ARCHER: All right …

  CHARLES: She GOES TO CHINA, NOW, because, she raises the kid NOW, because I’m out of OFFICE. THAT is why it’s fucken treason.

  ARCHER: … Chuck.

  CHARLES: To China.

  ARCHER: (To phone) Get Bernstein to come in.

  CHARLES: … the only place you can get a meal on Christmas?

  ARCHER: … Chuck.

  CHARLES: … Chinese restaurant.

  ARCHER: … Chuck.

  CHARLES: They’re always open. Fucken chinks. They got all the time in the world … and they don’t mind working themselves to death … Sell you the ground they walk on, sell the offspring of their wombs. Fucking Bernstein. Fly’n off to China, her vacation. What’d she get, a baby girl?

  ARCHER: That’s all they sell …