Woods, Lakeboat, Edmond Read online

  DALE: No.

  JOE: And I took it out of my mouth and laid down on the bed on my back and looked at the ceiling and put the gun under my chin pointing at my brain. But after a while I started feeling really stupid. And I rolled over and put the gun under my pillow, but I still held onto it. And I started. You know, playing with myself, you know what I mean.

  DALE: I know.

  JOE: A grown man, isn't that something?

  Scene 27

  Collins and Skippy on the Bridge

  COLLINS has been in control of the boat. SKIPPY comes on the bridge.

  SKIPPY: Yo, Mr. Collins.

  COLLINS: Yessir.

  SKIPPY We pick up the mail?

  COLLINS: Yes sir.

  SKIPPY Good.

  COLLINS: We got that report on Guiliani.

  SKIPPY That's fine. Get me something to eat.

  COLLINS: Yessir. (Spotting JOE:) Yo, Litko!

  JOE: Yo . . . !

  Scene 28

  In the Galley

  Fred: I don't give a fuck; the man lived on the sea, the man died on the sea.

  DALE: He died on land.

  FRED: He died ‘cause of the sea. ‘Cause of the sea. ‘Cause of his trade. You understand?

  DALE: Yeah.

  FRED: Good.

  (Pause.)

  DALE: He died ‘cause of his desires.

  (Pause.)

  FRED: Yeah.

  (Pause.)

  Well, we all have ’em. . . .

  (Pause.)

  DALE: You know him well?

  FRED: I knew him very well, Dale, very well.

  (JOE enters the galley.)

  Yo, Joe. . . !

  JOE: Yo, Fred.

  FRED: I'm telling my man about Guiliani.

  JOE: Yeah. They called the ship. We're picking him up in Duluth.

  FRED: We're picking who up?

  JOE: What?

  FRED: Who we're picking up?

  JOE: Guigliani.

  FRED: We're picking up Guigliani?

  JOE: Yeah. He caught the train.

  FRED: He caught the train to Duluth?

  JOE: Yeah.

  (Pause.)

  FRED: How come he missed the boat?

  JOE: Yeah. Skippy said he said his aunt died, but he thinks the real reason ‘cause he overslept.

  FRED: . . . sonofabitch . . .

  JOE: Well, I'll be glad to have him back.

  FRED: Oh yeah . . .

  DALE: You want a cup of coffee?

  JOE: Thank you.

  (COLLINS, on the bridge, is seen talking into the ship-to-shore radio.)

  COLLINS: W.A.Y. Chicago, this is the T. Harrison en route.

  (Pause.)

  I read you five-by-five.

  EDMOND

  To Richard Nelson and Wally Shawn

  The world premiere of Edmond was produced by the Goodman Theater, Chicago, Illinois, June 4, 1982, with the following cast:

  A MISSION PREACHER,

  A PRISONER

  Paul Butler

  THE MANAGER, A LEAFLETEER,

  A CUSTOMER, A POLICEMAN,

  A GUARD

  Rich Cluchey

  A B-GIRL, A WHORE

  Joyce Hazard

  A PEEP SHOW GIRL, GLENNA

  Laura Innes

  A MAN IN A BAR, A HOTEL

  CLERK, THE MAN IN BACK,

  A CHAPLAIN

  Bruce Jarchow

  EDMOND'S WIFE

  Linda Kimbrough

  THE FORTUNE-TELLER,

  A MANAGER, A WOMAN

  IN THE SUBWAY

  Marge Kotlisky

  A SHILL, A PIMP

  Ernest Perry, Jr.

  A CARDSHARP, A GUARD

  José Santana

  EDMOND

  Colin Stinton

  A BARTENDER, A BYSTANDER,

  A PAWNSHOP OWNER, AN

  INTERROGATOR

  Jack Wallace

  This production was directed by Gregory Mosher; settings by Bill Bartelt; lighting by Kevin Rigdon; costumes by Marsha Kowal, fight choreography by David Woolley; stage managers, Tom Biscotto and Anne Clarke.

  The New York production opened at the Provincetown Playhouse on October 27, 1982, with Lionel Mark Smith playing the roles of A SHILL, A PIMP.

  Hokey Pokey Wickey Wamm

  Salacapinkus Muley Comm

  Tamsey Wamsey Wierey Wamm

  King of the Cannibal Islands

  -Popular Song

  Scenes:

  1.

  The Fortune-Teller

  2.

  At Home

  3.

  A Bar

  4.

  The Allegro

  5.

  A Peep Show

  6.

  On the Street, Three-Card Monte

  7.

  Passing Out Leaflets

  8.

  The Whorehouse

  9.

  Upstairs at the Whorehouse

  10.

  Three-Card Monte

  11.

  A Hotel

  12.

  The Pawnshop

  13.

  The Subway

  14.

  On the Street, outside the Peep Show

  15.

  The Coffeehouse

  16.

  Glenna's Apartment

  17.

  The Mission

  18.

  The Interrogation

  19.

  Jail

  20.

  The New Cell

  21.

  The Chaplain

  22.

  Alone in the Cell

  23.

  In the Prison Cell

  Characters:

  FORTUNE-TELLER

  EDMOND, A MAN IN HIS MID THIRTIES

  HIS WIFE

  A MAN IN A BAR

  A B-GIRL

  A BARTENDER

  THE MANAGER

  A PEEP-SHOW GIRL

  THREE GAMBLERS

  A CARD SHARP

  A BYSTANDER

  TWO SHILLS

  A LEAFLETEER

  A MANAGER (F)

  A WHORE

  A HOTEL CLERK

  A PAWNSHOP OWNER

  A CUSTOMER

  THE MAN IN BACK

  A WOMAN ON THE SUBWAY

  A PIMP

  GLENNA, A WAITRESS

  A TRAMP

  A MISSION PREACHER

  A POLICEMAN

  AN INTERROGATOR

  A PRISONER

  A CHAPLAIN

  A GUARD

  Setting:

  New York City

  Scene 1

  The Fortune-Teller

  EDMOND and the FORTUNE-TELLER seated across the table from each other.

  FORTUNE-TELLER: If things are predetermined surely they must manifest themselves.

  When we look back—as we look back—we see that we could never have done otherwise than as we did. (Pause.)

  Surely, then, there must have been signs.

  If only we could have read them. We say, “I see now that I could not have done otherwise . . . my diet caused me. Or my stars . . . which caused me to eat what I ate . . . or my genes, or some other thing beyond my control forced me to act as I did . . .”

  And those things which forced us, of course, must make their signs: our diet, or our genes, or our stars.

  (Pause.)

  And there are signs. (Pause.)

  What we see reflects (more than what is) what is to be.

  (Pause.)

  Are you cold?

  EDMOND: No. (Pause.)

  FORTUNE-TELLER: Would you like me to close the window?

  EDMOND: NO, thank you.

  FORTUNE-TELLER: Give me your palm.

  (EDMOND does so.)

  You are not where you belong. It is perhaps true none of us are, but in your case this is more true than in most.

  We all like to believe we are special. In your case this is true.

  Listen to me. (She continues talking
as the lights dim.) The world seems to be crumbling around us. You look and you wonder if what you perceive is accurate. And you are unsure what your place is. To what extent you are cause and to what an effect. . . .

  Scene 2

  At Home

  EDMOND and his WIFE are sitting in the living room. A pause.

  WIFE: The girl broke the lamp. (Pause.)

  EDMOND: Which lamp?

  WIFE: The antique lamp.

  EDMOND: In my room?

  WIFE: Yes. (Pause.)

  EDMOND: Huh.

  WIFE: That lamp cost over two hundred and twenty dollars.

  EDMOND (pause): Maybe we can get it fixed.

  WIFE: We're never going to get it fixed,

  I think that that's the point. . . .

  I think that's why she did it.

  EDMOND: Yes. Alright—I'm going. (Pause. He gets up and starts out of the room.)

  WIFE: Will you bring me back some cigarettes. . . .

  EDMOND: I'm not coming back.

  WIFE: What?

  EDMOND: I'm not coming back. (Pause.)

  WIFE: What do you mean?

  EDMOND: I'm going, and I'm not going to come back. (Pause.)

  WIFE: You're not ever coming back?

  EDMOND: No.

  WIFE: Why not? (Pause.)

  EDMOND: I don't want to live this kind of life.

  WIFE: What does that mean?

  EDMOND: That I can't live this life.

  WIFE: ” You can't live this life” so you're leaving me.

  EDMOND: Yes.

  WIFE: Ah. Ah. Ah.

  And what about ME?

  Don't you love me anymore?

  EDMOND: No.

  WIFE: You don't.

  EDMOND: No.

  WIFE: And why is that?

  EDMOND: I don't know.

  WIFE: And when did you find this out?

  EDMOND: A long time ago.

  WIFE: You did.

  EDMOND: Yes.

  WIFE: How long ago?

  EDMOND: Years ago.

  WIFE: You've known for years that you don't love me.

  EDMOND: Yes. (Pause.)

  WIFE: Oh. (Pause.) Then why did you decide you're leaving now?

  EDMOND: I've had enough.

  WIFE: Yes. But why now?

  EDMOND (pause): Because you don't interest me spiritually or sexually. (Pause.)

  WIFE: Hadn't you known this for some time?

  EDMOND: What do you think?

  WIFE: I think you did.

  EDMOND: Yes, I did.

  WIFE: And why didn't you leave then?

  Why didn't you leave then, you stupid shit!!!

  All of these years you say that you've been living here? . . .

  (Pause.)

  Eh? You idiot. . . .

  I've had enough.

  You idiot . . . to see you passing judgment on me all this time . . .

  EDMOND: . . . I never judged you. . . .

  WIFE: . . . and then you tell me. “You're leaving.”

  EDMOND: Yes.

  WIFE: Go, then. . . .

  EDMOND: I'll call you.

  WIFE: Please. And we'll talk. What shall we do with the house? Cut it in half?

  Go. Get out of here. Go.

  EDMOND: You think that I'm fooling.

  WIFE: I do not. Good-bye. Thank you. Good-bye.

  (Pause.) Good-bye. (Pause.)

  Get out. Get out of here.

  And don't you ever come back.

  Do you hear me?

  (WIFE exits. Closing the door on him.)

  Scene 3

  A Bar

  EDMOND is at the bar. A MAN is next to him. They sit for a while.

  MAN: . . . I'll tell you who's got it easy. . . .

  EDMOND: Who?

  MAN: The niggers. (Pause.) Sometimes I wish I was a nigger.

  EDMOND: Some times I do, too.

  MAN: I'd rob a store. I don't blame them.

  I swear to God. Because I want to tell you: we're bred to do the things that we do.

  EDMOND: Mm.

  MAN: Northern races one thing, and the southern races something else. And what they want to do is sit beneath the tree and watch the elephant. (Pause.) And I don't blame them one small bit. Because there's too much pressure on us.

  EDMOND: Yes.

  MAN: And that's no joke, and that's not poetry, it's just too much.

  EDMOND: It is. It absolutely is.

  MAN: A man's got to get out. . . .

  EDMOND: What do you mean?

  MAN: A man's got to get away from himself. . . .

  EDMOND: . . . that's true . . .

  MAN: . . . because the pressure is too much.

  EDMOND: What do you do?

  MAN: What do you mean?

  EDMOND: What do you do to get out?

  MAN: What do I do?

  EDMOND: Yes.

  MAN: What are the things to do? What are the things anyone does? . . . (Pause.)

  Pussy . . . I don't know. . . . Pussy . . . Power . . . Money . . . uh . . . adventure . . . (Pause.)

  I think that's it . . . uh, self-destruction . . .

  I think that that's it . . . don't you? . . .

  EDMOND: Yes.

  MAN: . . . uh, religion . . . I suppose that's it, uh, release, uh, ratification. (Pause.)

  You have to get out, you have to get something opens your nose, life is too short.

  EDMOND: My wife and I are incompatible.

  MAN: I'm sorry to hear that. (Pause.)

  In what way?

  EDMOND: I don't find her attractive.

  MAN: Mm.

  EDMOND: It's a boring thing to talk about. But that's what's on my mind.

  MAN: I understand.

  EDMOND: You do?

  MAN: Yes. (Pause.)

  EDMOND: Thank you.

  MAN: Believe me, that's alright. I know that we all need it, and we don't know where to get it, and I know what it means, and I understand.

  EDMOND: . . . I feel . . .

  MAN: I know. Like your balls were cut off.

  EDMOND: Yes. A long, long time ago.

  MAN: Mm-hm.

  EDMOND: And I don't feel like a man.

  MAN: DO you know what you need?

  EDMOND: No.

  MAN: You need to get laid.

  EDMOND: I do. I know I do.

  MAN: That's why the niggers have it easy.

  EDMOND: Why?

  MAN: I'll tell you why: there are responsibilities they never have accepted. (Pause.)

  Try the Allegro.

  EDMOND: What is that?

  MAN: A bar on Forty-seventh Street.

  EDMOND: Thank you.

  (The MAN gets up, pays for drinks.)

  MAN: I want this to be on me. I want you to remember there was someone who listened. (Pause.)

  You'd do the same for me.

  (The MAN exits.)

  Scene 4

  The Allegro

  EDMOND sits by himself for a minute. A B-GIRL comes by.

  B-GIRL: You want to buy me a drink?

  EDMOND: Yes. (Pause.)

  I'm putting myself at your mercy . . . this is my first time in a place like this. I don't want to be taken advantage of.

  (Pause.)

  You understand?

  B-GIRL: Buy me a drink and we'll go in the back.

  EDMOND: And do what?

  B-GIRL: Whatever you want.

  (EDMOND leans over and whispers to B-GIRL.)

  B-GIRL: Ten dollars.

  EDMOND: Alright.

  B-GIRL: Buy me a drink.

  EDMOND: You get a commission on the drinks?

  B-GIRL: Yes.

  (She gestures to BARTENDER, who brings drinks.)

  EDMOND: How much commission do you get?

  B-GIRL: Fifty percent.

  BARTENDER (bringing drinks): That's twenty bucks.

  EDMOND (getting up): It's too much.

  BARTENDER: What?

  EDMOND: Too much. Thank you.

>   B-GIRL: Ten!

  EDMOND: NO, thank you.

  B-GIRL: Ten!

  EDMOND: I'll give you five. I'll give you the five you'd get for the drink if I gave them ten.

  But I'm not going to give them ten.

  B-GIRL: But you have to buy me a drink.

  EDMOND: I'm sorry. No.

  B-GIRL: Alright. (Pause.) Give me ten.

  EDMOND: On top of the ten?

  B-GIRL: Yeah. You give me twenty.

  EDMOND: I should give you twenty.

  B-GIRL: Yes.

  EDMOND: To you.

  B-GIRL: Yes.

  EDMOND: And then you give him the five?

  B-GIRL: Yes. I got to give him the five.

  EDMOND: No.

  B-GIRL: For the drink.

  EDMOND: No. You don't have to pay him for the drink.

  It's tea . . .

  B-GIRL: It's not tea.

  EDMOND: It's not tea!? . . .

  (He drinks.)

  If it's not tea what is it, then? . . .

  I came here to be straight with you, why do we have to go through this? . . .

  MANAGER: Get in or get out. (Pause.)

  Don't mill around.

  Get in or get out . . . (Pause.)

  Alright.

  (MANAGER escorts EDMOND out of the bar.)

  Scene 5

  A Peep Show

  Booths with closed doors all around. A GIRL in a spangled leotard sees EDMOND and motions him to a booth whose door she is opening.

  GIRL: Seven. Go in Seven. (He starts to Booth Seven.)

  No. Six! I mean Six. Go in Six.

  (He goes into Booth Six. She disappears behind the row of booths, and appears behind a plexiglass partition in Booth Six.)

  Take your dick out. (Pause.)

  Take your dick out. (Pause.)

  Come on. Take your dick out.

  EDMOND: I'm not a cop.

  GIRL: I know you're not a cop. Take your dick out. I'm gonna give you a good time.

  EDMOND: How can we get this barrier to come down?

  GIRL: It doesn't come down.

  EDMOND: The n how are you going to give me a good time?

  GIRL: Come here.