Five Television Plays (David Mamet) Page 8

  CLORIS: John, you . . .

  JOHN (cutting her off): Sticks and stones will break my bones, but names will never hurt me. (Pause.)

  PIERRE (a battlecry): "Let's hear it for now!!!!!"

  (All the POTAWATAMIES scream and run at the three friends. In their charge ALBERT finds himself thrust against a firedoor, which opens with his weight, and he finds himself outside the museum in an early dawn. The sounds of screaming continue within the museum. ALBERT pounds on the door, but his pounding is not answered.)

  ALBERT (screaming): Let me in. Let me in.

  (He begins to run around the museum from entrance to entrance, trying all the doors in an attempt to get in. Running around the back he trips over a pair of lovers, and says "Sorry, “ and continues running. His run finally takes him to the main [north] entrance, where we see him trying the doors. We hear someone shouting at him from the entrance drive.)

  POLICEMAN: Hey. Hey. Hey, you . . .

  (ALBERT turns and we see that he is being shouted at by a POLICEMAN in a patrol car.)

  The Museum doesn't open for four hours. (To his companion officer:) I never seen this.

  (ALBERT turns back to the main door and continues to pound and cry "Let me in. )

  (His COMPANION OFFICER, who is sleeping with his hat over his eyes, answers him.)

  SECOND POLICEMAN: What?

  POLICEMAN: I don't know . . . some kind of culture junkie, something . . . (To ALBERT:) Go home, go read a book, something.

  (ALBERT does not move.)

  Did you hear me? I said move on.

  (Pause. ALBERT reluctantly starts to walk down the stairs.)

  Okay.

  (The patrol car pulls away. ALBERT walks sadly down the stairs. As he walks down the stairs, a yellow schoolbus pulls up. It has about fifty Shriners in full dress regalia in it. The Shriners file out of the bus and set up on the stairs to have a formal group picture taken by a fellow with an old bellows camera and flash pan. Shooting down from the roof of the museum we see the Shriners assembled, ALBERT trudging toward the lone car in the parking lot [A 1963 Dodge Dart]. The flash pan goes off, the Shriners file back into the schoolbus, which pulls away, leaving ALBERT alone in the parking lot, trudging to his car. A helicopter shot of ALBERT going to his car and a voice over of a traffic report.)

  TRAFFIC REPORT: . . . smooth right up to the Junction. Eden's a little heavy between Armitage and Congress, and the Ryan, as usual, backed up from the Loop to 95th Street. And now back to Jim.

  JIM THE DISC JOCKEY: Thank you. Bob, we'll have another report in fifteen, but here's one we've got a lot of requests for, and we're sending this out to Doug from Betty.

  (The radio plays the closing song, “The Museum of Science and Industry Story.” The helicopter follows ALBERT‘s car into South Shore Drive and traffic as he heads north. Credits super.)

  A Wasted Weekend

  Dramatis Personae

  RADIO ANNOUNCER

  JABLONSKI

  RENKO

  HILL

  LUCY BATES

  BUNTZ

  HENRY GOLDBLUME

  BELKER

  KHAKI OFFICER

  HUNTER

  FURRILLO

  STATE TROOPER

  SECOND STATE TROOPER

  YOUNG WOMAN (MISS CARRINGTON)

  GUY

  I.A.D. OFFICER

  LAWYER

  PROPRIETOR oF THE CURRENCY EXCHANGE

  ROBBER

  OFFICER

  INTERIOR: JABLONSKI'S HOUSE. DAY.

  (Angle: Kitchen countertop. Man in plaid lumberjack shirt making coffee.)

  RADIO ANNOUNCER (voice over): I'll be with you this morning right up until six a.m., Roger Armandale and the traffic report. Thanks for stickin’ with me through the night. If you've been up all night, here is the song for you. For those of you who just got up, here's how the other half lives: the immortal Glenn Miller:

  (Radio starts playing “Moonlight Serenade.”)

  (Hand comes into the frame, picks up a clock, it reads 4:45. Sound of a knock on the door.)

  (Angle: JABLONSKI, the man in the lumberjack shirt, going to open the back door. HILL and RENKO enter. They are dressed in outdoorsy clothes. They come into the kitchen and make themselves comfortable at the kitchen table.)

  RENKO: Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes.

  HILL: Gimme some of that coffee . . .

  (JABLONSKI starts pouring them coffee.)

  JABLONSKI: How'd you sleep last night?

  HILL: Not a wink, man, I was up at two, at three . . .

  RENKO: I couldn't sleep . . . I was up cleaning my gear, packing . . .

  HILL: . . . where's Henry?

  JABLONSKI: . . . meeting him at the Stationhouse.

  RENKO: . . . maan, I'm thinkin’. . . get me out of that car and get me out of that job a minute, get me somewhere where it matters . . .

  HILL (gets up, holding his coffeecup, checks his watch): Come on, we'll take it in the car.

  (RENKO gets up. JABLONSKI puts on his coat. They all move toward the door. JABLONSKI takes several hunting rifles from behind the door, passes them out to his friends. As RENKO exits he declaims:)

  RENKO: “My heart's in the highlands. My heart is not here. My heart's in the highlands a chasin’ the deer.”

  (They exit the kitchen. We hear them faintly, outside, talking.)

  INTERIOR: SQUAD ROOM

  Roll call. LUCY BATES in charge.

  BATES: Lieutenant will be posting the duty roster for the next rotation . . . (checks clipboard) . . . those of you interested, your requests for overtime . . .

  (Reaction: "Yeah. What about ‘em . . . ?")

  BATES: They're in process. Several of them have been submitted for the Pulitzer Prize for Modern Fiction . . . (Checks list. Holds up a composite drawing.) White man, early thirties, shoulder-length blond hair, blue windbreaker . . . this is the third armed robbery, a currency exchange, last night. Eighteenth and Promontory. Look for him. White male, one hundred fifty pounds, medium height, shoulder-length blond hair, a blue windbreaker . . . (She lowers the composite drawing, checks her list.) Ther'll be a bunch of Boy Scouts in the House today. The Captain's talking to them at eleven hundred hours on “Law Enforcement as a Career.” Anyone who'd like to attend is . . .

  BUNTZ: Law Enforcement as a Hobby . . . ?

  BATES: In your case I see how that's appropriate, but the Captain's subject will be Law Enforcement as a Career . . .

  (HENRY GOLDBLUME comes up to the podium, dressed in hunting clothes. He hands a sheaf of papers to BATES.)

  Thank you, Lieutenant.

  (GOLDBLUME nods, obviously in a hurry.)

  . . . the Captain's looking for you.

  GOLDBLUME: Where is he . . . ?

  BATES: His office.

  (GOLDBLUME nods, hurries off BATES checks her clipboard.)

  I would like you all to read and pay attention to the recommendations regarding the carrying of a second or back-up gun. The registration and permission must be in your file. The registration and permission must be in your file, and you must qualify with this gun as well as your service revolver at the range. We recommend the back-up gun and we recommend practice; the life you save may be your own. Any questions?

  BELKER: Why is Lieutenant Goldblume going undercover?

  BATES: The Lieutenant is not going undercover. For those of you who've kept pace with developments in your community, the Lieutenant and several of your colleagues are going out to kill Bambi. They are going hunting. They are going out to slaughter poor defenseless creatures . . .

  BUNTZ: . . . if you can eat it, you can kill it.

  BATES: Officer Buntz can keep the details of his personal life to himself . . . (checks clipboard) . . . alright . . . the new rotation figures on the board . . . thank you for your attention.

  (The roll call starts to break up. BUNTZ walks by the podium.)

  BATES (to BUNTZ): How can you defend him? Killing poor deer just to prove his “Manhood"?


  BUNTZ: ‘Least he's got one.

  BATES: I expected no less. Have a nice day.

  INTERIOR: SQUAD ROOM, IMMEDIATELY FOLLOWING.

  GOLDBLUME walking through the squad room. A KHAKI OFFICER calls after him.

  KHAKI OFFICER: Lieutenant, I need you to sign off on those Robbery Reports . . .

  GOLDBLUME: No. No. No. NO. I'm not here today. It's an illusion.

  KHAKI OFFICER: . . . take five minutes . . .

  GOLDBLUME: Nope. Nope. I'm gonna talk to the Captain, and I'll see you at the end of the week.

  (He walks past HUNTER, who declaims:)

  HUNTER: ‘And Nimrod was a Mighty Hunter in the Land ...”

  (JABLONSKI, HILL, and RENKO enter. Camera follows GOLDBLUME as he walks over to them. JABLONSKI is calling back over his shoulder.)

  JABLONSKI: . . . round the corner, get the car filled . . .

  RENKO: . . . anyone like to contribute. Let's get the kitty started. Lieutenant . . . ?

  (GOLDBLUME goes into his pocket. Takes out money in a money clip, throws it to RENKO.)

  RENKO: Thank you, sir. Right back . . .

  (RENKO exits.)

  GOLDBLUME: I've got to have two words with the Captain . . .

  (GOLDBLUME walks over to the captain's office. JABLONSKI calls after him.)

  JABLONSKI: Quickly as you can, Sir. We've got to pick up the keys to the Hunting Lodge . . .

  (LUCY BATES comes over to the desk at which we find HUNTER, JABLONSKI, and HILL.)

  HUNTER (to BATES, gesturing at the deerhunters): . . . an interesting ceremony.

  BATES: What is?

  HUNTER: Hunting.

  BATES: IS it?

  HUNTER: Bonding, the Letting of Blood . . .

  BATES: Oh. Everybody with their Secrets. Boys’ Clubs. No Girls Allowed . . .

  HILL: YOU want to come, Sarge?

  BATES: No. No, thank you.

  (She starts to walk out of the shot.)

  HILL: Then what do you care . . . ?

  (She turns back.)

  BATES: I care because defenseless creatures will be killed.

  JABLONSKI (of HILL): Not the way he shoots . . . I saw you sighting in that rifle!!!

  BATES (comes back): Well, I think it's disgusting ...

  HILL: Then you go eat beansprouts the rest of your life!

  BATES: Oh. “If I can Eat it I can Kill it.” Well. I don't eat deer.

  HILL: That's right, you don't eat deer. ‘Cause, you want to eat deer, you have to go up there and stalk the sucker . . . you have to . . .

  INTERIOR: FURRILLO'S OFFICE.

  FURRILLO behind the desk, talking to GOLDBLUME.

  GOLDBLUME: What?

  FURRILLO: If there were some way out of it, Henry, I'd take that way.

  GOLDBLUME: Sir, it's just an accident that I'm in here today. I have two days off, and I just stopped in to drop off the Rotation Rosters.

  FURRILLO: I know, and I . . . Henry, I won't order you to do it. But I'm called downtown, and there are going to be twenty-five Boy Scouts here expecting a lecture. And someone has to do it. You'll be done by eleven thirty.

  GOLDBLUME: . . . the men are waiting in the car.

  FURRILLO: Can't you drive up and meet them? (Beat.) Henry?

  GOLDBLUME: Yessir.

  FURRILLO: Thank you. Thank you very much.

  (KHAKI OFFICER knocks on the door and beckons the captain.)

  KHAKI OFFICER: Captain . . .???

  FURRILLO: I'm coming. Thank you, Henry.

  INTERIOR: DESK AREA, SQUAD ROOM.

  BATES et al, still arguing.

  HUNTER: Because the Personification of Animals, as done by Walt

  Disney . . . talking deer, cute rabbits, I suggest if you study the actions of all Animals in the Wild . . .

  BATES: Well, yes, well, let them even out the Balance of Nature, ‘cause it's not our job.

  (RENKO enters.)

  RENKO: Alright. Gassed up and ready to roll, let us roll . . .

  (GOLDBLUME comes out of the captain's office.)

  JABLONSKI: Lieutenant Goldblume. Here we go.

  GOLDBLUME: I'm not going. I'll have to meet you there. (Beat.) I'm going to be tied up here ‘til eleven thirty. I'll drive up and meet you there. (Beat.) I'm just . . . I'm just . . . I'll meet you there.

  (JABLONSKI shrugs, takes out a pencil, makes a map on a sheet of paper.)

  JABLONSKI: You get off of 201. Go east two miles to the Corner Store. You take a left. Four or five miles you will see a yellow house with a red barn on the right. You take the next dirt road to the right. You can't miss it . . .

  (FURRILLO, putting on his coat, walks through the shot.)

  FURRILLO: I'm sorry, Henry. I'll make it up to you.

  RENKO (to GOLDBLUME): We'd stay, but we've got to get the keys . . .

  GOLDBLUME: No, no, no, that's alright. I'll meet you there.

  (JABLONSKI, RENKO, and HILL exit leaving HUNTER, BATES, and GOLDBLUME by the desk. Beat.)

  HUNTER: "I slept and dreamt that life was Beauty

  I woke and found that life was Duty.” (He meditates on this a moment, then leaves.)

  BATES (to GOLDBLUME): Sir: long as you're here, you want to stalk the wild Requests for Overtime with me?

  (GOLDBLUME sighs. Takes off his hunting coat. Picks up a sheaf of papers and walks through the squad room alongside BATES. BUNTZ passes from the other direction.)

  BUNTZ (to GOLDBLUME): Nothing like a Day in the Woods . . . huh? INTERIOR: PARKED STATION WAGON. DAY.

  HILL and RENKO sitting in the front seat. The car parked by a highway diner. RENKO studying a spread-out road map. He senses HILL looking at something, looks up from the map.

  RENKO: What?

  HILL (gesturing with his head toward another car): Blue pickup, Michigan Plates.

  RENKO (looking): What about it?

  HILL: Think we had the plates on the Hot list.

  (RENKO looks hard at the car.)

  RENKO (relaxes): Wrong car. Put it in neutral, my friend. Let yourself kick back. Now, you say to yourself: A Man Who is Only His Job . . . what is he? A machine. Not even a machine. A cog in a machine. We were not put on this earth just to work. The word is “recreation.” Recreation. Meditate on that a second. ‘Til roll call on Monday morning, we are not Cops, but Men. Men in the Country . . .

  (JABLONSKI gets into the backseat, holding a paper sack, starts distributing foodstuffs.)

  RENKO: Gimme a sandwich . . .

  HILL: Coffee.

  JABLONSKI: You guys think about the problem?

  HILL: I did.

  JABLONSKI: Tell me.

  HILL: Deer breaks cover, runs to the crest of a ridge. We . . .

  JABLONSKI: . . . yes . . .

  HILL: Lay low.

  RENKO: Well, that's obvious.

  HILL: . . . unmoving. Wait ‘til the deer's had the time to . . .

  JABLONSKI: Right. No. That is what we do not want to do. The deer breaks cover, runs to the crest, you've got the advantage.

  HILL: Because?

  (JABLONSKI takes a sandwich, a couple of pencils, and acts out the tableau on the dashboard, the sandwich representing the deer, the pencils representing the hunters.)

  JABLONSKI: ’Cause he can't hear you. He's running too hard. The deer's heart is pounding, he's terrified, his perceptions are dull. For one moment he's playing your game. The deer's running to the ridge, the thing to do, you run to the ridge. Odds are you're going to get a shot at him when he comes up the other side. Another thing:

  RENKO (of sandwich): Oooh, this stuffs good . . .

  JABLONSKI: A deer breaks cover on the flat . . .

  RENKO: Now: where are we . . . ?

  (Angle insert: The tableau on the dashboard, JABLONSKI manipulating the pencils.)

  JABLONSKI (voice over): Let's say we're in the brush, here and here . . .

  (We hear a commanding male voice.)

  MALE VOICE (offscreen): Please put your hands on the dashboard, man in the back
seat, put your hands on the back of the seat in front of you.

  (Angle: Two STATE TROOPERS flanking the car, the men inside the car.)

  JABLONSKI: Uh, we're . . .

  STATE TROOPER: Please do as I say. Right now, please . . .

  RENKO: Umh, we're police officers . . .

  STATE TROOPER: Right now. Please. Right now . . .

  INTERIOR: SQUAD ROOM. DAY.

  GOLDBLUME, dropping off some sheets on BATES‘ desk.

  BATES: Thank you, Sir.

  GOLDBLUME: My pleasure.

  (Camera follows GOLDBLUME out through the squad room. HUNTER attaches himself to him.)

  HUNTER: I find that an unfortunate aspect of our society is the absence of alternative means of establishing status.

  GOLDBLUME: Uh huh.

  HUNTER: Yes. There is a certain status-structure in any job, who is boss, who is an underling. And too-close adherence to that structure causes jealousy of those above, envy of those below. Which is why, the Company baseball team . . .

  GOLDBLUME (trying to extricate himself): I've got to write a talk . . .

  HUNTER: Well, let me make this point, you see: I think the fact that you are going hunting with the men below you, while some might say, is a violation of the status-structure, is, in fact . . .

  GOLDBLUME: I've got to talk to twenty-five Boy Scouts in a half an hour . . .

  HUNTER: Oh.

  (As GOLDBLUME walks by the desk, the KHAKI OFFICER calls his attention to a very beautiful woman around thirty, who has obviously just filed a complaint.)

  GOLDBLUME: Yes . . . ?

  KHAKI OFFICER: We, would you talk to this woman please . . . ?

  GOLDBLUME: I'm Lieutenant Goldblume, I'm in the midst of . . .

  KHAKI OFFICER: If you just have five minutes, Sir . . .

  (GOLDBLUME sighs. The camera follows the YOUNG WOMAN and GOLDBLUME into his office.)

  INTERIOR: THE OFFICE.

  YOUNG WOMAN sits down.

  GOLDBLUME: Miss . . . ?

  YOUNG WOMAN: Carrington.

  GOLDBLUME: Miss Carrington. I have about (checks watch) five minutes, if you . . .

  YOUNG WOMAN: I'll be brief. I, uh . . . (Beat.) Many people are struck by the, uh, by the, by what happens in the cities, you, you think it will not affect you. You, people cannot stand the stress, and you look at people around you, and you see what happens to them and you say it won't happen to you . . . that . . . that . . .