We're No Angels Page 3

  OLD WOMAN: Your two lost priests. (Pause.) I found your lost priests.

  FATHER LEVESQUE stares at the two. Beat.

  FATHER LEVESQUE: Where have you been?

  Beat.

  JIM: Uh, well, you know . . .

  NED: We were . . .

  FATHER LEVESQUE: We wired Arizona . . . Your Monsignor . . . where have you been . . . ?

  JIM: . . . We got misplaced.

  They have reached the front of the border and are about to be examined by the SHERIFF and the DEPUTY.

  FATHER LEVESQUE: Sheriff, do you know who these are . . . ? Mrs. Blair found Father Brown and Father Riley . . . !

  DEPUTY: Thank the Lord, we thought maybe the convicts got you.

  NED: Convicts. . . ?

  SHERIFF: Had a jailbreak. Got me some killers on the loose. . .

  The SHERIFF waves away the customs agent checking everyone as he begins to walk the group across the bridge.

  SHERIFF (to deputies): That's all right, boys . . .

  CAMERA FOLLOWS them across the bridge.

  FATHER LEVESQUE: But where have you been, and where are your clothes. . . ?

  JIM: They got lost when the, you know . . .

  OLD WOMAN: I found them like this coming through the woods. Looked like a couple of raggle-taggle gypsies.

  FATHER LEVESQUE: Gypsies? Do you know who these are? This is Fathers Brown and Riley, Brown and Riley, A New Look at Deuteronomy.

  SHERIFF: Uh-huh . . .

  86Angle: NED and JIM.

  87Their Point of View: Canadian Customs/Border fast approaching.

  FATHER LEVESQUE (offscreen): These are two of the finest thinkers in the church today.

  88Angle: The group almost at the Canadian side.

  DEPUTY: Pleasure, waal, a real pleasure, and you-all got lost in the woods, right? (Shakes hands with them.) Waiting for you folks two days . . .

  FATHER LEVESQUE: That's right.

  NED: Yes.

  We hear a CLANK. Beat. NED bends down as if to tie his shoelace. He reties his chain to his calf, ties his shoelace.

  SHERIFF: Lucky, you say you were lost in the woods? Lucky one of our boys didn't get on to you, ‘n’ take you for the convicts. . . .

  NED straightens up.

  NED: What would they have done . . . ?

  SHERIFF: Done . . . would of shot you.

  FATHER LEVESQUE: We've been meeting every train for the last two days. . . .

  89Exterior: Canadian Customs/Border—Day.

  Angle: The barrier. The far side manned by Mounties. The group reaches the barrier. A Mountie guard comes forward.

  SHERIFF (to the Mounties): That's all right, boys, let ‘em across.

  The barrier starts to raise.

  90Angle: NED and JIM smile.

  FATHER LEVESQUE: It wasn't going to be a convocation without you. . . .

  The OLD WOMAN and the priests are about to cross into Canada.

  SHERIFF: You have a good day, Mrs. Blair. . . .

  91Angle: The feet of the convicts about to cross the line on the bridge separating the two countries.

  FATHER LEVESQUE: Well, we'd best be getting back. . . .

  92Exterior: Bridge—Day.

  Angle: He starts to turn back, taking the two convicts by the arm. The DEPUTY starts back with them. The two convicts strain toward Canada.

  JIM: We have to help Mrs. Blair with her groceries.

  OLD WOMAN: Well, now, you've just betrayed a trust, haven't you . . . ?

  DEPUTY (to one of the deputies): George, run along over with Caroline, and help her with her shopping.

  NED: I'd really rather we went, we did promise the broad . . .

  FATHER LEVESQUE: No, no, no, we're all so anxious for you . . . come on, now. . . .

  They all walk back toward the American border.

  SHERIFF: Father Levesque, I'll want to come by later, talk about the plans for the Procession.

  FATHER LEVESQUE: Anytime.

  SHERIFF: Sorry I haven't been by before, but with this prison escape. . .

  FATHER LEVESQUE: Believe me, I understand.

  SHERIFF: So, I'll be by sometime today, and of course, I'll be on duty for the Procession of the Shrine.

  SHERIFF (over his shoulder to a deputy): Any males come through here, the right age, you pat ‘em down, pat ‘em right down for the leg irons.

  He starts to demonstrate on the deputy. Then moves on to demonstrate on NED.

  SHERIFF: Right down, knees to their ankles, ‘n’ don't be bashful. . .

  NED moves over to the side of the bridge. Looks out over the water.

  NED: Wasn't that a cormorant. . . ?

  SHERIFF: And I mean you check everybody.

  They move on through, back to the American side.

  FATHER LEVESQUE: You think they'll come through this way?

  SHERIFF: Got to. Come through, swim the river ‘n’ drown, or die in the woods. We'll get ‘em. (Tips his hat.) Gentlemen.

  The Father takes the two convicts and moves off. CAMERA FOLLOWS.

  FATHER LEVESQUE: I thank the Lord that you've come. We've been praying for your safety for two days.

  JIM: That's very nice of you.

  FATHER LEVESQUE: You know, I wouldn't have recognized you from your pictures. . . .

  NED: Well, you know, we've, uh, we've uh . . .

  JIM: We had to change somewhat because of the things that happened to us.

  FATHER LEVESQUE: And what happened to your clothes . . . ?

  JIM: They got lost when the thing happened.

  NED looks back over his shoulder.

  93Exterior: Canadian Customs/Border—Day.

  Point of View: The far side, Canada retreating.

  94Exterior: Blacksmith Shop—Day.

  Angle: The group walking down the street.

  FATHER LEVESQUE: Well, we'll get your vestments and all at the monastery.

  NED: Thank you, we'd appreciate that.

  FATHER LEVESQUE: We wired Arizona when you didn't arrive on time, but they said they had no clue. Your Monsignor's quite worried. And then, the snow, and then these prisoners . . .

  JIM: I'll tell you something, nothing was going to stop us from coming here.

  We hear the SOUNDS of their chains clinking. JIM reaches down and adjusts his chain. They pass by a blacksmith shop. We hear the HAMMER hitting the forge. JIM and NED look at the blacksmith's shop.

  95Exterior: Monastery—Day.

  Point of View: The blacksmith hitting the anvil.

  FATHER LEVESQUE (offscreen): Shall we go in . . . ?

  96Angle: The group has arrived at the steps of the monastery. FATHER LEVESQUE starts up the stairs. NED leans over to JIM. They whisper.

  NED (sotto): Get these chains knocked off at the blacksmiths shop, get into these priest duds, ‘n’ back over the border.

  JIM (sotto): You call it, Neddy. . . .

  FATHER LEVESQUE (offscreen): Coming . . . ?

  97Interior: Monastery—Chapel—Day.

  Angle: They start up the stairs into the monastery. CAMERA FOLLOWS them into the church portion of the monastery. Before them is the Shrine of the Madonna. FATHER LEVESQUE crosses himself. The two convicts, awkwardly, do likewise. FATHER LEVESQUE turns to them.

  FATHER LEVESQUE: I know this must be quite a moment for you. (Beat.) To've written so much about the Shrine, but never to've seen her.

  FATHER LEVESQUE turns to look at the Shrine. The two priests do likewise.

  98Point of View: The statue of the Madonna.

  FATHER LEVESQUE (offscreen): That's why I took you back from the border.

  99Angle: The group.

  FATHER LEVESQUE: I knew how much you wanted to be here.

  Beat.

  NED: Thank you.

  FATHER LEVESQUE: . . . the weeping Madonna.

  FATHER LEVESQUE sighs, turns. The two convicts follow him.

  99AInterior: Monastery—Vestry—Day.

  FATHER LEVESQUE gestures them in.

  FATH
ER LEVESQUE: You'll find some cassocks in here.

  He exits, leaving them to it. NED and JIM change into priests’ clothes. A YOUNG MONK peeps through the door.

  YOUNG MONK: Father, Father.

  He beckons them to follow. CAMERA FOLLOWS.

  YOUNG MONK: We've been waiting for you. Eagerly. We prayed for you. . . .

  NED: We were delayed.

  YOUNG MONK (confidentially): I've read all your books.

  NED: Thank you.

  YOUNG MONK: You know, you don't look a thing like your pictures.

  He removes a book from his cassock.

  100Insert: The Book. A New Look at Deuteronomy, "by Frs. Brown and Riley. “ The book is turned over, and we see two heavyset priests standing in the sun. One wears a cowboy hat.

  101Angle: NED takes the book away.

  NED (of the photograph): Fasting and prayer.

  YOUNG MONK: It's such an honor to have men of your learning, of your reputation here. . . . We were so worried about you. . . .

  JIM: Mmmm.

  YOUNG MONK: We wired the diocese in Arizona.

  NED: Yeah. He told us. We appreciate it.

  YOUNG MONK: Well, thank the Lord you've come. . . .

  The YOUNG MONK puts his hand on JIM‘S back. The YOUNG MONK looks surprised, feels in the back of the collar of JIM‘S coat.

  YOUNG MONK: What's this . . . ?

  102Angle: The YOUNG MONK and JIM. The YOUNG MONK produces a clothespin from the back of JIM‘S coat collar. Beat.

  JIM: You don't know what that is?

  YOUNG MONK: No.

  JIM: It's a clothespin.

  102AInterior: Monastery—Chapel—Day.

  YOUNG MONK leads JIM and NED toward refectory door.

  YOUNG MONK: Father, why are you wearing it in your collar?

  JIM: Aha. (Pause.) The thing of it is . . . you know what it is . . .?

  YOUNG MONK: . . . No.

  JIM: It is a reminder, any of us, could get snatched at any moment.

  102BInterior: Monastery—Refectory—Day.

  The YOUNG MONK hesitates, nods in appreciation. We hear the assembled monks CHANT a phrase in unison.

  NED sits near FATHER LEVESQUE at the head table. JIM sits beside him. The monks stop chanting. FATHER LEVESQUE intones a Latin incantation. The assemblage bow their heads in silence, then respond. JIM and NED bow their heads. JIM looks to NED; NED shrugs and begins to mumble. They all mumble.

  FATHER LEVESQUE says, “Amen.” Beat. NED and JIM begin to reach for the food.

  FATHER LEVESQUE: And I would like to add one special prayer. Of thanksgiving . . .

  NED and JIM draw back. Wait.

  FATHER LEVESQUE: All my friends, and guests here tonight, a special prayer of thanksgiving for the safe arrival of Father Riley and Father Brown. Many of us are acquainted with their works, and we are all, I am sure, glad of the opportunity to meet them in person.

  JIM begins to stand, as if to receive an accolade. NED drags him back down.

  FATHER LEVESQUE: We are thankful for their presence, for their scholarship, for the participation in the Procession of the Shrine. A special prayer, tonight, from the Old Testament, Leviticus three: thirteen.

  NED and JIM bow their heads.

  FATHER LEVESQUE: Father Brown, would you render it for us . . . ?

  Beat.

  103Angle: NED and JIM. Their heads bowed. They realize that it is they who are being addressed. They begin to look anxious.

  104Close-up: The two whispering, simultaneously.

  NED/JIM: I think you're Brown.

  They try to push each other up. NED finally pushes up JIM. JIM stands, looks around.

  105Point of View: A sea of expectant faces.

  106Angle: At the top of the table, the YUGOSLAV PRIEST and his TRANSLATOR begin speaking to FATHER LEVESQUE. The YUGOSLAV PRIEST speaks; the TRANSLATOR translates.

  TRANSLATOR: Father Nogulich points out it is his turn to read the grace.

  FATHER LEVESQUE: We appreciate your courtesy in ceding your place to our new arrivals.

  JIM: Let ‘em read it, it's his turn. I don't wanna get in anyone's face here. . . .

  FATHER LEVESQUE: No, Father Brown. Please. Honor us. Leviticus three: thirteen.

  JIM sweats. He looks around at the sea of expectant faces, then at NED. NED looks up as if to say, “I can't help you.” JIM looks around, sees something. Looks back at NED, smiles, looks in the direction of his salvation.

  107Angle: The YOUNG MONK is bringing him the Bible. JIM smiles, takes the Bible. Clears his throat. Looks down. Beat. Blanches.

  108Point of View: The book. It is in Latin.

  109Angle: JIM is terrified. Looks around. Looks down at the book. Beat. JIM closes the book.

  JIM: You know what? Let's just say something appropriate. Here's a good grace: Be nice to strangers, because sometimes you're a stranger too.

  He smiles.

  The YOUNG MONK is fully appreciative, thoughtful: "There's a novel thought. “

  FATHER LEVESQUE intones, “Amen” the chorus of monks responds. The YUGOSLAV PRIEST speaks to the TRANSLATOR, who leans over and speaks to FATHER LEVESQUE.

  TRANSLATOR: This is not a fitting grace. . . .

  FATHER LEVESQUE: A little unusual, quite to the point, I thought.

  TRANSLATOR: What are we, Protestants . . . ?

  110Angle: JIM sits, nods as if to say “Well, there's one grace that got said correctly. “ He starts to eat.

  111Interior: Monastery—The Refectory Hall—Day.

  The last remnants of food being cleared away by some monks, the remainder of the monks bent over prayer books.

  112Angle: NED and JIM, their heads bent over their books. Beat. NED leans over and whispers.

  NED (sotto): As soon as we pop off the ankles . . . you listening to me?

  JIM gives him a look, remonstrating with him, then inclines his head toward his prayer book, as if to say, “Can't you see I'm studying . . . ?” Beat. NED looks at him, looks around the hall.

  113Point of View: The monks bent over their books. At the high table FATHER LEVESQUE closes his books and says, “Amen.”

  114Angle: Ned and Jim's table. All the monks say, “Amen.” JIM keeps reading.

  115Angle: Over JIM‘S shoulder. The prayer book in Latin, within which he has secreted the Colt firearms pamphlet. On the page he is reading is a picture of a black native in a loincloth being held at bay by a sahib, who is shielding a terrified white woman. The headline is “Saved from a Fate Worse Than Death.”

  NED (offscreen): Jimmy, get out of it, will you . . . ?

  116Angle: The table. All the priests and monks get up; several nod at the two. JIM folds up his book, slips the pamphlet back into his coat.

  NED: You lay low here for a while, I'm gonna find some way to pop us out of these chains, and then we head across the river.

  JIM: We're safe stayin’ right here, Ned.

  NED: Yeah; till the real priests show up, we're safe. . . .

  JIM: Oh.

  They get up and start to file out of the hall along with the rest of the monks. The YUGOSLAV PRIEST and his TRANSLATOR come by.

  TRANSLATOR: The father says he has read your book. A New Look at Deuteronomy.

  NED: Yeah, what'd he think of it?

  TRANSLATOR: He found your theology amusing, and wondered if you intended it as such.

  The TRANSLATOR smirks.

  NED: Well, who did he ever fight . . . ?

  FATHER LEVESQUE comes by.

  FATHER LEVESQUE: I hope you'll participate in our lectures later on the Shrine.

  JIM: I'd like nothing better.

  The two veer off into a deserted hallway; CAMERA FOLLOWS.

  117Exterior: Monastery—Day.

  The banner reading, HELP RESTORE THE SHRINE OF ST. ANN, through the archway, in the refectory. Monks clearing the tables. NED and JIM come out of the refectory, picking their teeth.

  NED: We get these leg chains off, then straight across the rive
r. . . . You lay low around here, half an hour, meet you right back here.

  YOUNG MONK (offscreen): Father Brown . . . !

  JIM (sotto): Who's Brown . . . ?

  NED: You are. . . .

  The YOUNG MONK comes up to them, holds a large fishbowl.

  YOUNG MONK: Shall I enter your name in the lottery?

  NED nods, moves off.

  JIM: What's the prize? Hey, don't bother. Well, no, I never won anything.

  YOUNG MONK: You can never tell! I'll put you down.

  The YOUNG MONK starts away, turns back, catches JIM‘S eyes. The YOUNG MONK shows JIM the back of his collar. On it is attached a clothespin. He winks at JIM, as if to say, “I got the message. . . . “

  118Interior: Blacksmith Shop—Day.

  Dark shadows. We hear the CLANKING of the hammer on the forge. NED comes INTO THE FRAME, sneaking. CAMERA PULLS BACK SLIGHTLY to reveal we are in a blacksmith shop. NED looks around the wall nearest him, on which tools hang. He finds small clippers and takes them down off the wall. He bends down and tries to sever his leg manacle with the small clippers. It is too small to do the trick. He rises up, looks around.

  119Point of View: Very large clippers across the shop on the wall. CAMERA CONTINUES to the BLACKSMITH, at the anvil, with his back to NED.

  120Angle: NED sneaks across the shop. He gets the clippers. He looks around and starts back toward the door into the cloisters.

  VOICE (offscreen): Afternoon, Bill.

  BLACKSMITH (offscreen): Sheriff . . .

  NED freezes.

  SHERIFF (offscreen): I'm going to need them horses back this afternoon.

  BLACKSMITH (offscreen): You goin’ back up in the hills?

  SHERIFF (offscreen): Well, they got to be somewhere, got no food, prison clothes; either they're up there in the woods or they're going to try to cross over here.

  BLACKSMITH (offscreen): You get the bridge staked out pretty good, do you?

  SHERIFF (offscreen): You best believe we do. We're bringing out the dogs. Dogs'll be here any minute. We've got the prison staff come down, stand guard on the bridge with us. Oh, we'll catch ‘em, don't worry.

  BLACKSMITH (offscreen): Bring ‘em back whichever way they want. . .

  NED is trying to edge along the wall to the door in the back wall.

  SHERIFF (offscreen): Y'ask me, though, I think it'd be a lot less problem shoot to kill.

  BLACKSMITH (offscreen): Uh-huh . . .

  SHERIFF (offscreen): I think that's the Bible, isn't it. . . ? They killed and they shall be killed . . . ?